Thursday, January 15, 2026
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More Folly. More Laughs. Truth Adjacent.
Insurrection Act: Trump Says It Will Protect America from People Reacting to Getting Shot
A new plan reframes public emotion as the real emergency. Officials say calm is easier to manage when nobody is allowed to show it. The strategy focuses on response control, not event control.
MAGA Says Renée Good Should Have Complied Like Ashli Babbitt
A new political talking point spreads fast by promising easy answers to hard questions. It works best when nobody asks what it actually is.
Trump Cartoon Pin Worn Like a Kid’s Sticker
The president unveiled a new lapel accessory and instantly turned the meeting into show-and-tell. Staff confirmed it is not leaving. Several aides are already preparing a sticker chart.
Walz Steps Aside to Focus on Fraud, Leaves Campaign to Someone Else
The governor exits the race to concentrate on governing, oversight, and explaining why this makes sense. Minnesota prepares to move forward with confidence and a fresh sense of uncertainty.
Israel Exploits Trump’s Weak Spot, Prizes, Immediately Gets What It Wants
Israel found a faster way to influence U.S. policy, and it involved fewer meetings and more praise. Trump happily accepted the honor and signaled openness to anything that comes with applause. Diplomacy has…
DHS Says Immigration Enforcement Impossible Without Free Breakfast
Federal officials say canceled hotel rooms threaten immigration operations. The real issue appears to be waffles.
Trump’s New Year’s Eve Playlist Has Not Changed Since the Epstein Years
The music played, the phones recorded, and the past remained very present. While guests danced and officials smiled, one familiar song reminded everyone that some traditions never leave the room.
Kid Rock Takes Residency at Trump Kennedy Center After Everyone Else Cancels
Artists walked out. Kid Rock ran in. The newly renamed Trump Kennedy Center found its most reliable act after nearly everyone else decided not to play.
Iran’s Supreme Leader Shuts Down Internet to Protect Citizens From Seeing How Mad They Are
Leaders say turning off the internet will restore calm by making sure nobody can see anything. Officials describe the move as compassionate, bold, and extremely quiet. Critics describe it as something else.
Venezuela Exploring “Proven Defensive Mind” to Run Country
Venezuela looks for stability after regime collapse. Officials believe discipline and silence may succeed where ideology failed.
Trump Floats Venezuela Presidency During Weekend Remarks
After reshaping U.S. policy, Trump hints at exporting his leadership abroad. The White House frames it as a logical career move. Officials insist nothing is final, except the confidence.
Trump Declares Tylenol ‘Woke,’ Endorses Aspirin Instead
The president says Tylenol is part of the problem while admitting he ignores aspirin dosage rules. Medical experts remain unconvinced. Trump remains extremely confident.
Study Suggests Beer Belly May Be More Beer Than Belly
Science gently reminds men that abs cannot out-train IPA loyalty.
Spirits Market Collapses as Consumers Decide $18 Cocktails Are a Problem
Luxury spirit brands face a sharp slowdown as Americans cut back on $18 cocktails. Executives scramble to rebrand basic drinking as premium budgeting.
Powerball Confirms Someone Will Win Over $1 Billion, Eventually, Probably Not You
Officials confirm the dream remains alive, just a financially unreachable pipe dream.
Jennifer Lopez Says Critics Would Dress Naked Too If They Aged This Well
Jennifer Lopez responds to fashion criticism with confidence, humor, and very little fabric. The Vegas residency moment reminded audiences that confidence ages better than opinions.
Erika Kirk Launches “I Was Always the Main Character” Tour
A forgotten music video resurfaces and ruins a carefully curated origin story. Erika Kirk insists it meant nothing. The lighting, posing, and confidence disagree.
Man Who’s Seen Die Hard Once Explains Why Everyone Else is Wrong
One man’s certainty proves louder than memory, facts, or seasonal peace.
5 Last-minute Gifts for Procrastinators
Because nothing says Christmas like a gift purchased 37 minutes before the party.
Deals for People Who Think Jeff Bezos Is Watching Them Through the Microwave
Are you tired of buying toilet paper and surveillance in the same box? Do you break out in hives when you see a smiley arrow that looks like it knows your browser history?…
The “You’re Officially Old Now” Starter Pack
Welcome to the age where your back goes out more than you do. Whether you’re in denial, icing your knee from a “weird sleeping injury,” or genuinely excited about home warranties, this collection…
Democracy Yard Sale: Everything Must Go, Including the Republic
The White House lawn turns into America’s least patriotic garage sale, featuring gently used freedoms, a lightly tarnished Bill of Rights, and a pre-owned justice system. Ivanka handles pricing while Trump hangs a…
Did Rome Fall Like This Too?
When emperors run out of wisdom, they reach for scapegoats. Firing experts, raiding the treasury, and blaming outsiders worked wonders—right up until the empire imploded. History’s greatest hits are playing again, now in…
When Bureaucracy Breaks
America’s endless red tape finally snaps, leaving lawmakers stunned and citizens wondering who’s in charge now. Progress or pandemonium — take your pick.
Unsubscribe From Reality
Woman Says She Is a Mermaid, Police Disagree After Several Minutes of Observation
A woman entered a neighbor’s pond and claimed mermaid status. Deputies responded with observation, patience, and a quick reality check. The pond stayed silent, so the charges did the talking
Blind Wife Regains Sight, Immediately Stops Pretending Husband Looks Fine
She got her vision back. He lost several outfits. A marriage enters a bold new era of visual honesty and fewer hoodies.
Holiday Gift Return Fees Force Family to Keep Decorative Appliance Forever
This holiday season, the real gift was learning that returning something costs money, dignity, and peace. As retailers tighten policies, families everywhere are discovering that regret is no longer refundable.
Ryan Walters: “Turning Point USA Will Replace Guidance Counselors, Who Were Woke Anyway”
Walters promises students will no longer be burdened with “woke” counseling, instead finding life guidance in Charlie Kirk’s greatest hits and free water bottles.
Parents Celebrate “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” as Children Return to School and Stop Asking for Snacks Every 6 Minutes
Parents celebrate the return of silence as children head back to school and immediately run out of energy.
DOJ Calls Epstein a Hoax, Then Loses the Files Anyway
The Justice Department promises full transparency while gently misplacing evidence. Officials say this is normal. They ask you to relax and forget.
DOJ Confirms It Took Years to Gather Evidence, Then Months to Hide Parts of It
Survivors wanted answers, so officials offered timelines, toner, and a Friday upload.
FBI Breaks Up Pinewood Derby Betting Ring
Federal agents treat a Cub Scout race like a criminal enterprise. Parents say it was harmless fun. Authorities say it was a slippery slope. The cars were small, but the stakes were not.
Newly Married Man Assures Wife “One Last Beer” Means Several More
A simple promise. A long night. A lesson in married timekeeping. Experts say the phrase “one last beer” has never meant what people think it means.
Mother Stares at Wrapping Paper, Receipts, and Life Choices All at Once
A holiday tradition where generosity meets pure parent panic.
U.S. Reaches Peak Unity: Both Sides Equally Outraged, Equally Confused, Equally Screaming At Bots In Thailand
X’s new location feature just revealed that many loudest “patriots” and “resisters” are bots posting from overseas. For one brief moment, left and right join forces to scream at the same Wi Fi…
Amazon Down After Firing Last Guy Who Knew How to Restart It
After laying off 30,000 workers, Amazon’s site crashed because the last human who could fix it no longer worked there. Executives say AI “needs a minute.”
Joe Buck Reveals Black Eye Came After Troy Aikman “Demonstrated a Point”
A routine football explanation turned physical when emphasis met proximity. Network officials say the lesson landed exactly as intended.
Raiders Praised for Consistency After Clinching Top Draft Spot
The Raiders locked up the No. 1 pick again, and the league called it dependable. The Jets followed close behind, proving commitment still matters. Consistency never looked so familiar.
Celebrity Mom Group Says It’s Like High School With Better Snacks
A new “study” confirms that mom groups follow the same rules as high school cliques, just with strollers and better snacks. The latest celebrity dust-up fits the pattern perfectly. Experts say nothing about…
Chevy Chase Allows Cameras to Capture His Ongoing Quest to Be Slightly Less of an Ass
New CNN film follows Chevy Chase's heroic battle against his own personality. He calls it a lovely massage. Co-stars recall something sharper.
Taylor Swift Engaged to Travis Kelce: NFL Approves Deal After Reviewing Salary Cap Implications
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement isn’t just a love story — it’s an NFL roster transaction complete with cap space concerns, signing bonus debates, and fans questioning the prenup structure.
Scientists Announce Discovery That Will Make Everything Worse
A promising breakthrough delivers speed, efficiency, and widespread discomfort. Researchers remain upbeat as side effects grow louder. Officials call it progress and ask for patience.
New Study Finds People Who Say ‘No Offense’ About to Say Something Deeply Offensive
Researchers confirm every “no offense” statement is the linguistic equivalent of a sucker punch. Experts warn that tone-deaf honesty remains a national epidemic.
Costco Tells Supreme Court It Cannot Run America on Kirkland Alone
Costco says Donald Trump's tariffs forced America into a Kirkland only supply chain meltdown.
Hamburger Helper Named Official Sponsor of “Yeah, We’re Broke Again” Season
Hamburger Helper embraces America’s annual financial slump, offering a one-pan symbol of perseverance and mild seasoning.
Dear Folly: Help! I Can Hear My Neighbor Masturbating and It Kind of Turns Me On
A concerned (and slightly aroused) reader writes in after discovering her neighbor’s solo sessions are… oddly compelling. Dear Folly weighs in with deeply…
Dear Folly: My Husband Thinks Watching Survivor Means He Can Now Make All Household Decisions
Woman writes in after her husband tries to “vote out” doing the dishes following Survivor finale.
Dear Folly: The Perplexing Chirp of Love
Dear Folly, I find myself in quite the conundrum and I'm hoping you can shed some light on my situation. You see, my…
The Folly Times – your go to source for news that doesn’t take itself too seriously because, let’s face it, the world is absurd enough already. We specialize in scoops of satire, slivers of sarcasm, and dollops of dry humor, with a hint of dad jokes all layered into a cake of cutting-edge commentary.
So go ahead, explore our laughable lexicon of “news” that’s so outlandish, it could almost be true — maybe one day…
