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All the Latest in Finance
Consumer Spending Tanks as Men Wander Home Depot Aimlessly for Three Hours, Buy Nothing
Consumer spending fell as Americans abandoned purchases in restaurants, car lots, and especially Home Depot, where vibes replaced budgets.
Trump Blames Shrinking GDP on Economy “Taking a Nap”
The U.S. economy shrank in Q1 2025 as tariffs and trade gaps took a toll. Trump says the data shows “relaxed strength.”
Markets Spooked as Trump Threatens to Replace Powell With Guy in MAGA Hard Hat Who Once Sold Him a Patio
Donald Trump criticized his own Fed pick Jerome Powell for not cutting interest rates, then suggested replacing him with a “real American” in a MAGA hard hat who once laid concrete at Mar-a-Lago.
Trump Launches “TruthTrade” App to Let Patriots Profit Off His Tariff Announcements
Trump unveils “TruthTrade,” a MAGA-exclusive investing app that syncs with his social media posts and features Marjorie Taylor Greene giving stock tips from a throne
Trump Launches ‘Baby Billionaire’ Starter Kit: Every American Newborn Gets $1,000
President Trump rolled out “Trump Savings Accounts” that give $1,000 to every newborn. Critics say it’s the ultimate long play—babies get an account, parents get a headache, Wall Street gets the rest.
Elon Musk Tweets Outrage After Sobering Up and Finally Reading Congressional Bill
Elon Musk fired off an angry tweet after finally reading Congress’s latest spending bill, calling it a “disgusting abomination” that will explode the deficit and crush taxpayers for years.
US National Debt Outperforms Dow Jones and S&P 500
The US national debt has surpassed both the Dow Jones and the S&P 500 for consistent returns, leaving investors jealous and Congress eager to keep the winning streak alive.
The Penny Faces Retirement, Will Spend Golden Years Under Car Seats and in That One Drawer Everyone Has
As the U.S. stops making pennies, 114 billion of them prepare for retirement in junk drawers and the dark corners of society.
Treasury Secretary Announces Support for Digital Assets Right After Monetizing Trump’s Meme Coin
Treasury Secretary says Trump is “going big” on digital assets, right after Trump threw a gala for people who bought his meme coin. Regulatory clarity now comes with a side of garlic mashed…
