Tuesday, January 13, 2026
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More Folly. More Laughs. Truth Adjacent.
All the Latest in Sports
Da Pope Backs Da Bears, Packers Fans Declare Vatican Rigged
The Vatican has not confirmed the playbook, but Wisconsin has already declared spiritual interference. Chicago, meanwhile, calls it destiny.
Vikings Fans Protest ICE, Admit They’d Rather Watch Games on Couch
With no game to watch, fans discover free time, feelings, and a lot of signs. A new survey explains why turnout rises every time the season ends. The couch remains the only real…
Joe Buck Reveals Black Eye Came After Troy Aikman “Demonstrated a Point”
A routine football explanation turned physical when emphasis met proximity. Network officials say the lesson landed exactly as intended.
Raiders Praised for Consistency After Clinching Top Draft Spot
The Raiders locked up the No. 1 pick again, and the league called it dependable. The Jets followed close behind, proving commitment still matters. Consistency never looked so familiar.
44-Year-Old Philip Rivers Nearly Wins NFL Game Between PTA Meetings
Veteran quarterback briefly pauses retirement to raise chaos on field.
Heisman Voters Admit They “Panicked” When Indiana Wouldn’t Lose
When Indiana refused to lose, tradition was forced to improvise.
Browns Prepare for Arctic Bears Game by Practicing in Rowley Inn Walk-In Freezer
The Browns choose cold storage over common sense as they prepare for their frozen trip to Chicago.
Indiana Wins Big Ten, Nation Shocked to Learn Indiana Even Has a Football Team
Indiana shocked the country with a Big Ten title that few saw coming. Confused fans and stunned analysts spent the night confirming that Indiana does, in fact, have a football team.
Trump Accepts FIFA Peace Prize, Demands VAR Review of Nobel Committee
FIFA hands Trump a peace award after the Nobel Committee declined to participate in his highlight reel
Court Clarifies Alabama Is Now Allowed Two Losses Per Game, Still Eligible for Playoff Spot
The Supreme Court says Alabama can lose twice per game and still make the playoff, because destiny matters more than math.
Survey Finds Chicagoans Trust Shirtless Ben Johnson More Than Any Elected Official
Ben Johnson takes his shirt off, the Bears take the win, and Chicago prepares to take several thousand free hot dogs to the face.
Study Finds Lions Fans Age Four Years Every Holiday Broadcast
Doctors confirm watching Detroit football on Thanksgiving counts as cardio, but only in tragic doses.
Fans Blinded by the Thigh After Sophie Cunningham’s ‘Dangerously Hot’ Pic Drops
Sophie Cunningham only meant to promote a canned cocktail, but she ended up rebooting the sun. Fans begged for hydration tips while analysts tried to understand how she broke engagement charts without even…
Papa Manning Says Arch Is a Wonderful Young Man Who Should Maybe Try Baseball Instead
Texas hoped Arch Manning would revive a fading season, yet every week brings another hard reminder that famous last names cannot block defensive ends. Even so, the Manning family remains supportive while gently…
IOC Protect Women’s Division, Men’s Division Still Exists Without Protests
The IOC says it will keep the women’s category female, the men’s category fine, and the rulebook short enough to read before the 100-meter start. Science keeps meeting. Fans keep asking for scoreboards,…
