NEED TO KNOW
- Robert Kiyosaki issues his 72nd consecutive “imminent crash” warning since 2008.
- Investors respond by buying more Bitcoin, canned beans, and Kiyosaki courses.
- Analysts note that Kiyosaki’s predictions crash only his followers’ attention spans.
Self-proclaimed finance prophet Robert Kiyosaki once again warned his followers that “millions will be wiped out,” marking the beginning of what he called the “massive crash of all crashes.” The author of Rich Dad Poor Dad added that those seeking survival tips could join his new “Apocalypse Cashflow” mentorship, currently discounted at $997.
“This is not financial advice,” Kiyosaki said on a livestream from an undisclosed bunker stocked with gold bars and branded mugs. “But if you act now, I’ll personally teach you how to monetize collapse.” He reassured viewers that silver, gold, and anything that rhymes with Bitcoin will protect them from the financial ruin he’s been promising for fifteen straight years.
Critics point out that despite predicting dozens of market implosions since 2008, Kiyosaki’s accuracy remains statistically identical to a dart-throwing hamster. “Every time he says the world will end, my 401(k) gains five percent,” said investor Laura Penn. “At this point, I just wait for him to tweet before buying more index funds.”
The Crash That Never Came
Economists have long tracked Kiyosaki’s disaster declarations as a reliable inverse indicator of market health. In 2020, his warning of “historic economic destruction” preceded the fastest bull market recovery in history. When he later called real estate “dead forever,” the housing market immediately tripled in price and he raised seminar fees.
Asked if this latest “massive crash” would differ, Kiyosaki nodded gravely. “Yes,” he said. “This time I really feel it in my gut. And my gut never lies unless it’s promoting a subscription.” He then teased a new crypto project called “Rich Dad Token,” which promises to teach fiscal discipline through blockchain-based motivational quotes.
Still, some followers remain loyal, citing Kiyosaki’s “vibes of certainty” and ability to look serious while wearing transition lenses. “He’s like a doomsday grandpa who just wants you to diversify,” said one fan. “And sure, the world hasn’t ended yet, but that’s just because we bought the course.”
We don’t predict the market, we just sell fear at scale
Harvey Glen, Cashflow Analytics Institute
