Tag: Chicago Bears

Chicago Bears head coach Ben Johnson celebrates shirtless in a crowded locker room after a win over the Philadelphia Eagles.
Sports

Survey Finds Chicagoans Trust Shirtless Ben Johnson More Than Any Elected Official

Ben Johnson takes his shirt off, the Bears take the win, and Chicago prepares to…

5 Min Read
Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams tackled by Detroit Lions defender during NFL game.
Sports

Bears Promise They’ll Fix Caleb Williams Right After They Finish Ruining Him

Bears leadership swears Caleb Williams will thrive… once they finish grinding his career into dust,…

3 Min Read
Mugshot of Jay Cutler following DUI plea deal in Tennessee
Sports

Jay Cutler’s DUI Deal Includes 4 Days in Jail, 1 Mandatory Class on ‘How to Look Like You Care’

Jay Cutler’s DUI plea deal includes jail time and a mandatory class on how to…

Religion

Da Pope Adds Walter Payton Fathead to Papal Quarters, Declares Bears “God’s Team”

Pope Leo XIV has customized his quarters with a Walter Payton Fathead, Da Bears posters,…

4 Min Read
Sports

NFL Flexes Bears-Broncos Game to Wednesday Afternoon Slot Due to “Collective Mediocrity”

NEW YORK — In an unprecedented move, the NFL announced today that the upcoming Bears-Broncos…

3 Min Read